Wednesday, December 9, 2009

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no inspiration lately has left me to believe i'm experiencing a bit of what most of us would know as writers block. you'd think it would be all the more easier for one to write about themselves but its not really as simple as some might think. when all you do during the day is sit around in the basement of your significant other's parents house during the day watching episode after episode of desperate housewives, only to come out in the late afternoon, hop into a car and drive 2 minutes from home to go to work in a call center, chat on the phone to vicious customers about their bills and be yelled at for 8 hours of the day only to be done with it at 1 am, crawl into bed with the said significant other whom youve only been able to keep in touch with via text message throughout the day and call it a night. repeat the next day.
my job isnt as bad as i thought it would be when i first began. ive come to realize that my coworkers are fairly easy going, the job itself isnt too bad to begin with. all i have to do is take payments and make payment arrangements for customers who call in. anything other than that i can transfer to someone else and it then becomes their problem, not mine. the pay isnt too bad and im eligible for bonuses but i cant help but hate the hours im working. as mentioned above my mornings are wasted doing nothing and in the evening when all the people i really care to see or be around are coming home from work as i just begin.
fortunately for me i was able to take a leave of absence from work beginning the 14th of dec and have the option to come back in early January if needed so i can spend time with family and friends as needed and finally be able to do my surgery for wisdom teeth removal which the money i earned through going to work for training allowed me to do. im a little afraid of being put to sleep but friends, hygienists, and dentists all assured me its going to be fine, i'll wake up in quite a bit of pain but tylenol 3's will come to my rescue for when that time comes. i can deal with pain, i just hate the thought that someone else has control over putting me to sleep.
2:05 time to get ready for another fun filled day at work aka decent paycheck...i guess i could sneak in another desperate housewives episode as i get ready.

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

a job is..

A job is a job is a job is a job as a job is a job is a job
A job is a job is a job is a job as a job is a job is a job...

Day 2

last night i completed my second day of training. I had decided to let my guard down a bit and to keep my temper at bay when someone asked me a dumb question.
I smiled when people looked my way, helped others around me to the best of my ability and laughed when i heard someone say something funny (or something stupid but I'm sure they'll never know the difference). I also realized that one older woman who insists on pairing up with me when the entire class is in one room is nice and asks me stupid questions because she genuinely doesn't know. This again was a good way to better myself and practice controlling my temper.
on my first break a girl who sat at the computer next to me in the class approached the table that i was, as usual, sitting by myself at and asked if she could join me. Typically I said sure, and since she approached me i didn't see why not.
Ive had this thing about me since i was younger that if someone wants to be my friend or otherwise they'd have to approach me and initiate the conversation. this could be taken as one of a few things, arrogance, stubbornness, shyness or laziness.
Either way we began to talk back and fourth first about what we thought of our "jobs" and then soon found that we had a bit more in common than i thought. She went to my college last year which is probably why she looked familiar and even took a similar program. After we both declared that this job was temporary until we could find something in our respected fields it was time to go back into the training room to complete taking notes on our 70 page module. Blech.
this is kind of weird for me, anyone who knows me knows that i have the worst time making friends especially with members of the female population. I usually pair up with a guy and shoot the shit with them until someone makes a wrongful accusation that we are "together" and things get awkward.
I have a boyfriend, in case anyone was wondering, whom i ended up telling everything to later on in the evening and he even thought it was weird that i was getting along with girls.
After my conversation with that girl i loosened up a bit and became a little more comfortable in my surroundings. later on in class after lunch break i came back to the training room to overhear my new "work friend" talking to a couple ladies, a 30 year old Hungarian who looked 27 and a crusty 45 year old who looked well into her 50's and swore like a trucker. she was telling them about happenings in her country of origin, El Salvador, and a lot of the terrible things going on there and how it is affecting her family. i threw my two cents into the conversation and before i knew it i began shooting the shit with the 30 year old Hungarian chick as well about television shows like Dexter and telling screwed up stories about my hometown. The rest of the night seemed to go by quick after this and before i knew it, it was time to go. i left in a good mood but before i left the building the Hungarian caught up with me, asked me my name, shook my hand and introduced herself as well.
two "work friends" made in one day, all of which are female. im not keeping my hopes up about these relationships because im sure once we get on the floor and perhaps even get split up into different teams, im sure i'll be long forgotten. Also when i mentioned last night to my boyfriend he did warn me not to get too close to anyone there as some people can be... how should i put this nicely... oh right, bitches. We'll see how things go tonight and maybe some of the people who keep eying me down during breaks and look like they want to come talk to me will.

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

A Quickie

sort of in continuation of my last entry i just thought id post an update.
Last night i started my new "job". I am now a faceless agent of an American company here to serve you in the accounts receivable department.
How exciting...
I started training yesterday and because i wasn't feeling very social and almost like i cant trust another human being because of what i mentioned in the previous entry, i decided to sit back and "people watch" as some might say.
It was really interesting to see how groups formed so quickly. it was like a sped up version of high school. except only this time people were polite to you if you say for example, accidentally bumped into them. this is mostly i would think because you are in a work environment and can get let go for harassment in the workplace... nonsense like that.
I did notice some people try to talk to me. i don't know if it was because they were nervous and looking to make friends to back them up in a situation or someone to cheat off of in a quick training quiz.. maybe i looked approachable despite how hard i tried to put on my mean "don't come close or I'll scratch your eyes out" face.
in the end I'm not really sure if i came off as a bitch or quiet, or even quite possibly invisible.
now i patiently await for training day number two to begin. we'll see what interesting stories are in store for me tonight. either way as i see things now, i would hardly call this a job.

Monday, November 16, 2009

Some people need to get a life!

My name is Dora and I'm 21 years old.

Recently I lost my job working retail in a local mall. I knew things weren't working out for maybe two weeks before i was let go but i kept going because i needed the money and it was my only excuse for leaving the house and interacting with other people.
I have decided i wont go into detail about why i was let go however i will tell you that my ex-coworkers are still going on about the situation including my manager, even though its been a week and now things are beginning to be thrown out of proportion.
they are children trapped in the bodies of adults.
i feel like I'm getting picked on by bullies in an elementary school and to top it all off i don't think that i was let go in fairness. what i did was no different than what i was instructed to do during the two months i was employed there.I shouldn't have trusted anyone there even my superior. i also feel that because the rest of the staff were strongly against my working there my manager had decided that this time she was not going to stand up for me or give me the benefit of the doubt.
I enjoyed the work and the location i was working in and didn't mind most customers even though many of them were slightly rude. But recently i could tell by the tone of my managers voice when speaking to me that she had begun to dislike me. to be honest i had begun to dislike them as well.
i'm not good with this kind of situation i'm in. sometimes i cant handle people disliking me or spreading rumors and lies at my expense. i can be a generally happy person but sometimes these kinda things can push me over the happy/sad line and i think that the only real criticism i can handle is if it came from some faceless internet troll.
i have been advised to leave the situation alone, put it behind me and hope that they will forget about me as i should be forgetting about them which i am in fact trying to do. i just dread the thought that my decent looking record of employment becomes tarnished by the bullshit that this store has put me through and will have to go and confront that asshole of a manager i had to deal with and yes i just called her an asshole.
She takes pride in the fact that people call her a bitch. its almost a compliment to her. that's why i wouldn't give her that satisfaction. I never thought she was a bitch anyway. the way i saw her at first was assertive and strong, and didn't take bullshit from anyone. but as time went on i had come to the conclusions mentioned above. she is in her own ways a failure, a liar, a con. she brags about how smart she used to be and contradicts herself with the stupid decisions she made. she tells all sorts of stories..all of which dont fall into any sort of a real time line. on one day she'll be a promising student, valedictorian, and an almost lawyer, and the next a bad ass biker slut. She claims to have leukemia and doesnt like when people treat her differently because of it, then tries to make you feel bad for her.
in truth the reality as i see it is she is an ignorant, lonely manager of a small retail store, a nobody who might have had something going for her when she was younger but has nothing going for her now and nothing better to do than speak ill about people with a more promising future in business, relationships and in general life and tries to bring them down to make themselves feel better. shes trapped and i feel bad for her

Thursday, November 12, 2009

Holding on something?

My name is Dora and I'm 21 years old.

Recently I've noticed that in the months that passed, I'm desperately trying to hold on to my adolescence. and despite the fact that when i typed out that sentence, i pictured myself as i am now but in tight leather pants with a million chains attached to the belt loops and 5 different colors in my hair trying to grab onto a rope that was tied to something that i can only assume was my youth or memories and gripping on for dear life, i still cant help but get worried.
I don't know what it is that is scaring me away from growing up all of a sudden. i mean it looked like so much fun when i was younger and eagerly awaiting my chance to get to where i am now. but now that I'm here its not as wonderful as id hoped it would be. not that wonderful things still don't happen...they just don't happen as often as they used to. there isn't really a whole lot to get excited about anymore.
Its not that I'm afraid of looking older and getting grey hair (although it is OK to assume that i don't look forward to things "going south" if you know what i mean)its that I'm now afraid of taking the wrong path..or perhaps that i have already gone down the wrong path.
"Welcome to the machine" a friend so kindly put things. Ive found myself reconnecting with college friends i have very recently lost touch with. we first reminisce then talk about our present lives and how fantastic and magical they are. for the most part all of them have impressive full time jobs while here i am still chasing after mall retail positions and running off to restaurants when those don't work out to grab a hostessing position because its easy. that and i secretly feel better when finding out that i still have to take one more course in college to get my diploma because that silently means i still don't have to get a job that defines who i am and that i could potentially screw up beyond all repair. the way i see it is if i stick to something in a mall or restaurant and it doesn't work out...well i guess i didn't cause too much damage. my ego may get bruised a little but its not the end of the world.
either way i know that in the end i have to let go and move on and stop being afraid of what might happen. after all in the end we are all the same or should i say, we end up the same at the very least.

Friday, October 30, 2009

Birthday parties

My name is Dora and I'm 21 years old.

all of my life i had trouble making and keeping friends. i came off as quiet and shy to most so you could imagine how hard it was for me to work up the courage to ask some kid to play. once you got me talking though i would not stop even to take a breath.
my parents work and life made it harder for me to make friends as well. i remember i was enrolled in preschool and one little girl named Sarah told me that i was her best friend. wow, that was easy. unfortunately for our young friendship my parents, who immigrated from Europe at a young age, found it hard to trust people and families they didn't know.
so when the time came that i received an invitation to Sarah's birthday party and was not allowed to go, well lets just say i only realize in hindsight why that decision was made. my mom didn't know her mom or where they lived or how they raise their children, there was a slight language barrier and also she could not get away from her work at a restaurant down town that was run poorly. That was the first birthday i was ever invited to.
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